We received this long email from Sparky’s Roommate and it was too long to read on the show. Here is the email plus the attached PDF file you can download with graphical representation. Enjoy!
Enough of this off-topic talk about who would win in a fight or what’s your favorite union general or which universe would you like to live in. No, this is America, and we need to get back to talking about Pac-12 football. So, I am proposing that each Pac-12 school gets to pick a Pokemon team to play on the gridiron. Rules are that each team gets assigned a type, and each of the 11 Pokemon on their team must be of that type. Rules are no legendaries, no two teams can have the same Pokemon, and all Pokemon need to be on offense, defense, and special teams. After all the Pokemon are selected, let the games begin.
Arizona: {
Type: Poison
Players: Weezing, Qwilfish, Skuntank, Toxicroak, Garbodor, Arbok, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Crobat, Muk, Swalot
Preseason comments: This team is trash. Yeah, it’s got fine offensive and defensive lines with Garbodor, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Muk, and Swalot, but everyone else is so small that they’ll get crushed by all the other teams. Quarterback is probably Toxicroak because it’s the only one left that has arms.
}
Arizona State: {
Type: Fire
Players: Charizard, Arcanine, Infernape, Camerupt, Rapidash, Turtonator, Ninetales, Darmanitan, Typhlosion, Coalossal, Incineroar
Preseason comments: This team is pretty good, and it’s got a good balance of size and speed. Give the ball to Arcanine or Darmanitan, and there will be some solid lead blockers. The defense is so fast that the linebackers will be able to chase down any rush before it gets to the line of scrimmage, and don’t get me started on Charizard’s ability to block kicks.
}
Cal: {
Type: Electric
Players: Raichu, Magnezone, Electivire, Jolteon, Ampharos, Manectric, Boltund, Zebstrika, Vikavolt, Toxtricity, Dracozolt
Preseason comments: Not a lot of size here, but there’s still a lot of potential. The offensive and defensive lines might get roughed around in games, but the teams got a number of zippy players to get the ball down the field to the point where an offensive line might not even be needed.
}
Colorado: {
Type: Rock
Players: Golem, Rhyperior, Tyranitar, Probopass, Tyrantrum, Rampardos, Bastiodon, Gigalith, Barbaracle, Drednaw, Aerodactyl
Preseason comments: No one is getting past these heavy giants. Bastiodon at center could be enough for Rampardos to plow the ball to the endzone. If they all stand in a giant 10-player line on defense with Aerodacyl playing safety, they might be able to stop everything on defense just based on size.
}
Oregon: {
Type: Grass
Players: Venusaur, Victreebel, Exeggutor, Tangrowth, Meganium, Sceptile, Ludicolo, Torterra, Chesnaught, Appletun, Rillaboom
Preseason comments: With the right strategy, this team could be pretty good. It’s got strength and versatility, and it can rely on Sceptile for the speed. They could try to just hail Mary every play with quarterback Venusaur, Chesnaught, or Rillaboom to fire to Sceptile waiting in the endzone before the opposing defense will even notice what happened.
}
Oregon State: {
Type: Dark
Players: Shiftry, Mandibuzz, Houndoom, Absol, Greninja, Krookodile, Zoroark, Hydreigon, Grimmsnarl, Obstagoon, Drapion
Preseason comments: This team could be really fun to watch, especially with Greninja going everywhere on the field and looking like the leading kickoff returner. This defense with Hydreigon at linebacker will be fun to see floating around and getting everywhere it needs to be.
}
Stanford: {
Type: Psychic
Players: Hypno, Wobbuffet, Jynx, Medicham, Grumpig, Claydol, Metagross, Bronzong, Reuniclus, Malamar, Oranguru
Preseason comments: This team looks super lame, but keep in mind that these are all psychic types. Other teams will look at this and the get completely juked out at every opportunity. I see Metagross being the star on the offensive and defensive lines, able to seek out anything trying to break through.
}
UCLA: {
Type: Water
Players: Blastoise, Poliwrath, Gyarados, Lapras, Feraligatr, Kingdra, Swampert, Sharpedo, Wailord, Walrein, Seismitoad
Preseason comments: What a solid (liquid?) team. They’ve got size where they need it, and Poliwrath could be an ace backfield blocker. Wailord is so big, you probably don’t even need the rest of the defensive line. Just let Wailord lay across the field and it’s hard to imagine anything breaking that barrier.
}
USC: {
Type: Steel
Players: Steelix, Scizor, Aggron, Excadrill, Empoleon, Melmetal, Skarmory, Lucario, Escavalier, Copperajah, Duraludon
Preseason comments: This team has all you need except for a single speedster. It could be outrun downfield, and they might be overdependent on Lucario. That being said, they have so much size on this team, I don’t see how anyone can get tackled. Lucario is easily the star on this team, and everyone else is doing a whole lot of blocking.
}
Utah: {
Type: Flying
Players: Pidgeot, Fearow, Tropius, Salamence, Dragonite, Altaria, Staraptor, Gliscor, Braviary, Corvinight, Togekiss
Preseason comments: Flying types are going to be the hardest to plan against. We might have to review the rules to see if it’s ok for them to just fly over the opposing team. It’ll be interesting to see their defensive strategy though because some of their opponents could fairly easily dodge swooping tackles.
}
Washington: {
Type: Ice
Players: Cloyster, Mamoswine, Abomasnow, Weavile, Glalie, Beartic, Avalugg, Aurorus, Arctozolt, Crabominable, Cryogonal
Preseason comments: Pretty standard team. It’s got some good size and can rely on Weavile for the speed when needed. I feel like that unless they’re up against problem typings like fire, rock, or steel, that they could just truck through anything that they need to. Defense might be an issue if the ball gets past the defensive line because I’m not sure there’s enough speed except for Weavile who they might rely on as the only DB to do all the work.
}
Washington State: {
Type: Ground
Players: Dugtrio, Donphan, Flygon, Whiscash, Gastrodon, Garchomp, Golurk, Mudsdale, Palossand, Sandaconda, Diggersby
Preseason comments: I can only imagine what this team could do with Flygon above, Garchomp from under, and everyone else contributing in any way they can. Dugtrio is fast enough to trip any ball carrier or appear into the endzone ready to catch any pass. Though, I’m not sure it would be able to catch anything with no body and just 3 heads.
}
Stay tuned for the season to kick off because I didn’t want this email to be too long.
In solidarity,
Sparky’s Roommate